Time cant stand still.

I have been rather occupied for this September holiday and briefly had two 'panic attacks' which were pretty scary.

I had the first one during Teachers' Day. As I stood there looking at my students, the teachers around me, I began to wonder 'why am i here in this place 'celebrating' this day?' 'has it been all wrong?' I need to turn to some familiar comfort - my ex-colleagues. Turned up at the chalet SF was having at 1 am in the morning after some drinks with my colleagues. I realised at the chalet... everyone has moved on...... reminiscing fond memories we had and yet new dynamics have emerged. Time passed, the guys getting married, the babies became toddlers, ex-colleagues returning from studies, overseas and back to the department once again... and patients' socio dynamic change for the better or the worse... and me... shall continue to play with my clay to mould the future...

Had my second panic attack yesterday... Came to school with the intention to set exam papers. Since it is a new syllabus, i do not have past year papers to work from... i re-read the syllabus outline, went through some past year papers looking at some similar topics...the more i read, the more panicky i became... my kids can never answer those questions!!! I felt like i'm accompanying my buffaloes towards their graveyard.... I cant motivate them to go the correct direction to work on the padi field... first time teaching this syllabus, first time teaching these type of class (multiple by 2!), first year in teaching.... it's Disastrous!!! and the feeling is really sick. I dont like my time spent feeling panicky...

Went to a great watchscapade - tempus : the temple of time yesterday. It was definitely an eye opening experience for me. the age old craft of watchmaking, the exquisiteness of the watches, the patience in assembling the mechanics, the precision of the hours, minutes, seconds and the ridiculous pricing for a piece of beauty.... it definitely made robbing any neighbourhood watch shops insignificant. It is absurb but there are really people chasing all these delicate pricey watches.

When you think of your ex patient who pour water into the cardboard before selling to the garung guni with the simplest attempt to get a few cents more.... it just make the whole experience very surreal and super absurb. If the precision and beauty of time mean so much, why are there still people who simply waste time away... like my buffaloes???