motherhood and such

When I entered teaching, I never expect myself to feel like a mummy to my students. Thou I had students who wanted me to be their mummy or godma previously, I was never ready to accept them as my children, I tried all means and ways to decline and made humour out of it. I expect myself to be their teacher, mentor, friend, counsellor, babysitter, disciplinarian but never a mummy.

2009.. I feel like a mummy in teaching. Towards my form class, I want the best for them. I felt upset when they keep changing teachers, when their subject teachers complained or when they misbehaved. I worried if they would performed and be good when I'm not with them. I felt a sense of pride when they won something, when their subject teachers complimented them. I felt lost when I realised I may not be teaching them next year. I simply feel like a mummy thou I realised I briefly forgotten about them when I was away for holiday and didn't feel upset at all that I would not be teaching them next year. Perhaps, that is just a transition. I am not that responsible as a mummy.. I can still let go.

The sense of motherhood returned lately when I realised my deployment next year. Strangely not towards my form class this time round. I would not be teaching 2 of my graduating art classes next year- my 4Ns and 5Ns. My 5Ns made me proud by doing well in their N level art this year. I know I can never achieved 70% distinctions ever again. I taught them art since Sec 1s and they have a special place in my heart. I lost my 4Ns art class simply because I have to take over another geo class from my colleague who have tendered his resignation. This geo class is a nice class... but... the feeling is weird. I felt like a mother who have to give up her child to adopt another child and to love them, teach them, bond with them all over again. I felt resentment. But I know, school needs before personal needs. What can I say, my CS1 would always be Geo. Regardless how much I love teaching art to them, I have to let go... and focus on my given task. In a classic statement made by my little chairman who shared with me.. you have to learn to love what you hate. In that way, there will be less hatred. ha. words of wisdom from a 14 years old boy.

School is starting soon and I wonder what new feelings I will have in 2010 in teaching. 2009 has been a smoother year and the best year so far that I had in teaching.