I was once his hok li po.

During Sars period, I had this elderly patient.

He was supposed to be sent to Changi chalet for quarantine as he was single with no surviving siblings except nieces and nephews who were married with families. He has no house on his own and move around to lodge with his nieces and nephews. By returning to their family, they would have to be quarantined too. With schooling kids and the fear of helplessness at that time, I had no choice but to send him to Changi chalet.

Shortly after i sent him off to changi chalet, he was re-admitted again with asthma attacks. With my limited hokkien, I went to see him in my N95 mask again. He was lonely and had nobody to talk to in the chalet. Left with a TV controller which he didn't know how to use, he was only visited by people who dropped him meals and take him to a big TV screen when he see himself in red ( " dian shi gee ang ang ye ("TV, red red one").. took some time before i realised he was referring to the thermal scanner to measure his temperature. The quiet surrounding brought back memories of WW2, whereby everybody hide themselves and hence he locked up all his windows. With poor ventilation, he had serious asthma attacks and was re-admitted again.

Since it was a period of fear for most people, he has not visitors at all. He will asked the nurses to page for me so that I can go up and talk to him. He will ask my colleagues why "his hok li po" (welfare officer) didn't go and see him. When I went to see him, he will ask me why I didn't send him to AMKCH with other elderly (who are going to be admitted to nursing homes and hence quarantine at AMKCH). He will tell me that his hair is getting longer and he will cut his hair the first thing when he returned to his nephew's house and come back to see me in his nice handsome haircut.

He became one of my favourite patients and will always look for me whenever he went for his checkups. Always trying his luck to treat me a cup of tea. I miss him. I wondered how is he now? I know it's not healthy to feel attached to patient, but i miss his smile, his stories. i miss feeling humane.

I miss being appreciated. ... perhaps.